


She snapped and things kept on breaking

by ShaysTales



Category: MacGyver (TV 2016)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-14
Updated: 2020-06-25
Packaged: 2021-03-03 02:21:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,815
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24177331
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShaysTales/pseuds/ShaysTales
Summary: Riley is done.
Relationships: Riley Davis & Angus MacGyver (MacGyver TV 2016)
Comments: 31
Kudos: 108





	1. She Snapped

**Author's Note:**

> text in bold or "present flashback"  
> italics are flashback  
> and normal text is the present

“Riley, Riley please wait”.  
She heard calling after her as she stormed her way into an interrogation room. Slamming the door behind her. Yelling to herself.  
“How could I be so stupid, why did I think things would be different, why did I allow myself to..”

The door creaked open before she could finish her thought.  
“Riley! What the HELL was that?!”  
“Look mac I need you to just leave me alone okay can you just do that for me. Please” her words cutting through Mac's concern and confusion. “You are Not the person I need right now”

Pacing back and forth trying to hold back the words that were bubbling and burning her throat.

”Not until you talk to me and tell me what the hell is going on,” he said defensively.

”Oh now you wanna talk? Huh?!?” 

**5 minutes ago  
Two weeks had passed since Mac and Riley infiltrated codex and took them down for the most part. The team had just completed their first opp back together after Riley and Mac were reinstated. Tempers were running high. Nearly everyone was put in harm's way all because of a simple mistake. Riley was unusually more aggravated than everyone else and no one understood why.**

_The team was on their way to stop an army of rebels from demolishing a small tribe in Iceland. The rebels had been terrorizing the tribe for years. kidnapping and selling kids and killing anybody who dared to defy them. Fortunately, someone was able to escape and ask for assistance._

_As the team landed, Matty informed them that the rebels had everything surrounded so they would be a couple of miles out from the tribe and would have to tread carefully through the rough terrain._

_Riley was slightly apprehensive about the mission not because it wasn’t something she and the team couldn’t handle but because of the new dynamics, no one wanted to discuss because all was forgiven right? Right. Plus there was the fact that the boy she loved was still dating the girl who aimed a gun at her face. They picked up like nothing had happened. Nevertheless, they were here; this was the situation she was in now._

_Finally, the flight was over and she no longer had to witness the flirty whispers and interlocked fingers._

_“Ok guys we have about a three miles trek due northeast.” Said Riley._

_“Alright guess let's grab our bags and head out” Mac followed up._

_Everyone grabbed their gear and started walking. Trying to keep communication at a low volume Desi and Mac were walking ahead, Bozer and Riley following behind. Riley was monitoring the satellite feed just in case the rebel army was outside the parameters they were occupying._

_The team was in the last mile of the hike when Desi's voice began to rise.  
“Will you just shut up already!” Mac screamed assertively. _

_“Who gave you the right to speak to me that way. I can say whatever I need to.”_

_“Woah Woah guys relax there are a lot of people with a lotta guns around here” Bozer butted in._

_“Yeah, guys can we chill out here and focus on the mission” Riley politely added to the conversation._

_“Yeah! if I don’t. what are you going to do leave again” Desi snarked_

_“Hey, Desi quit it alright, I’m tired of having this conversation. It’s always you left me here you chose your aunt. Hey remember that time you suffocated me that was fun.” he paused searching for the right words to say. ”Damn it when will you be over it”_

_“YOU DID DO ALL THOSE THINGS AND I JUST HAVE TO DEAL WITH YOU JUST COMING BACK AND BELIEVE YOUR STILL NOT COMPROMISED!!” Desi yelled.  
Before MacGyver could come back with a retort a man appeared out of nowhere._

_“Compromised?!?” The random man said.  
All four of them looked at this man. Desi ready to kick his ass, Mac standing front and center trying to protect them all, Bozer still hasn’t landed on fight or flight, and Riley who desperately needed to release her pint up anger stood in an attack mode._

_“Who are you?” Mac asked.  
“I’m the man with all the power you see” he motioned for his guys to come forward. 15 guys surrounded them with automatic weapons.  
“You don’t need to know my name, you won’t be around long enough to remember it. Grab them!”  
The men rounded up Bozer, Mac, Riley, and Desi._

_“This is all Desiree's fault” Riley mumbled.  
This was partly true but they were all screaming at each other when they knew they had to be very quiet but it wasn't unlike desi to bring up personal things amid an opp.  
“I can't believe Mac is still with this girl who's never trusted him. Always listing off what she believes to be negative attributes about him. She never has his back but me, so foolish, if he told me to jump off a bridge right now I would; no questions...” _

_“Riles?” the sound of her name broke her train of thought._

_“Huh?”  
“Are you ok?” mac asked.  
“I'm fine. This isn't the first time I've been held at gunpoint and kidnapped.” she attempted to laugh. She failed.  
“I will get us out of this, I promise.” Mac gave her a comforting smile._

**All crowded in the war room for a debriefing. Matty decided they needed to have a family talk rather than her usual tactics when things go awry.**

**“What is wrong with all of you? How did we go from a simple run of the mill opp to you all being captured for 6 hours?”**

**Silence.**

**“I know things got a little crazy when Mac and Riley went undercover at codex but without trust, we can’t work together. We can’t protect those who are unable to protect themselves.”**

**Silence.**

**“So no one has anything to say? Blondie? Bozer? Desi? Riley?”**

**Riley knew this was the opportunity she needed to express everything that’s been boiling at the surface but the words burned in her mouth.  
“I” breaking the silence “I don’t think I can continue to work here if Desi is going to keep treating ME and Mac this way. I cannot stand the condescending looks and snide remarks. I’m not a traitor and I will not stand to be treated like one.”**

**Everyone was staring at her now, she continued. “We nearly died today and all I could think of was how I cannot stand this anymore”**

_Hour six of captivity led to a few discussions. All of which made everyone angrier with the situation. There was a lot of blame and a lot of hurt and words laced with the intent to sting. They weren’t a team anymore. They could’ve gotten free hours ago if it weren’t for the underlying problems keeping them mentally and physically imprisoned._

_“Look guys we need to figure a way out of here. we need to go help these people from these savages.” Riley said, trying to cut the tension._

_“Riley’s right, all this fighting isn’t helping anybody. Especially not us.” Bozer replied._

_“Well every time the guards come in we’ve been fighting and they’ve just walked out. Maybe an argument can work to our advantage.” Mac suggested_

_“When the guards come, two of us need to fight, Maybe a little physical so they can get close enough to knock them out. And then we can make our escape” he finished._

_The plan worked well enough until they were met outside by gunfire and grenades. All of which were too close to their bodies. Barely escaping, losing a limb, or catching a bullet. Riley actually preferred codex._

_The plane ride home was dead silent. They failed their mission, they fought, nobody wanted anything to do with the other well maybe except Bozer who had inside knowledge._

**“We were put in a situation because nobody trusts each other and I don’t think I can wait out the regaining trust aspect of this. We saved millions of lives should that not be enough to warrant a nice working space. I’m tired of this...ALL of this”**

**“Riles, what are you saying?” Mac said with a shaky voice.**

**“I...I gotta go.” As she stormed out the room Mac followed calling out her name.**

“Oh now you want to talk huh?!?” Riley snarked  
“ We could've talked weeks ago but no, you decided there were other people more important to talk to and for what?!?! Just for her to keep throwing shit back not only at your face but mine as well” 

“I didn’t think I had..” 

Riley cut him off.

“That’s right you didn’t think… I risked everything for you. I’ve always had your back, and yet you go running back to that! I need to get out of here”

“Riley can you please just talk to me I don’t think you leavening is a good thing”

“And why is that?” 

“I… I don’t know,” he said despairingly 

“I can’t believe I thought that after everything that’s happened you’d actually choose me.”

“Choose…. you” realization setting in Riley’s feelings were deeper than he thought. How could he be so blind to the fact that they shared the same feelings.

“I’m always there when shits going down. I’m always letting you know I’m here for you. I WENT INTO CODEX WITH YOU WHILE EVERYONE WAS CALLING YOU A TRAITOR. And yet you still don’t see. I can’t do this anymore.”

With the walls, she so carefully built crumbling. she stormed out of the room to willing to divulge anymore hidden feelings. she already said too much.


	2. The Realization

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Macs pov

“I’m always there when shits going down. I’m always letting you know I’m here for you. I WENT INTO CODEX WITH YOU WHILE EVERYONE WAS CALLING YOU A TRAITOR. And yet you still don’t see. I can’t do this anymore.” 

The words rang in his head as he chased her out of the building.   
“If you’re leaving I’m leaving too.”

________________

_The days after foiling codex’s plan had left Mac in a state of confusion mixed with a numbness that could only be described as the collapsing weight of pain. Days alone only further drove him into madness. He had so much to unpack. His dad. His aunt. Leland. Bozer, Matty, Russ... Desi and most of all Riley._

_Waves of sadness and anger constantly filled him for an unknown amount of days. Until his doorbell rang. It was Desi. He was kind of hoping it was someone else. Someone who had been there and knew the pain he was feeling._

_“Hey Mac,” she said delicately._

_“Hey” he opened the door wide enough to let her in._

_“What are you doing here?”_

_“Just came to check on you. To make sure you're okay...”_

_“I’m fine..” he mumbled._

_“Really cause it’s been a few days and nobody has heard from you!”_

_“I’m sorry I’ve just been in my head.”_

_“Yeah heard that before,” she said sarcastically._

_“Do you wanna do this now or later Desiree?”_

_“Desiree huh? We can do this now!”_

_The fight of all fights ensued. Everything MacGyver ever did ”wrong” came out Desiree's mouth laced with her own pain. Mac understood where she was coming from but still, all he did was take it. He didn’t have it in him to correct her or ease her nerves he just wanted this to be over. And what the best way to shut someone up?... kiss them._

_They’d be in a good place for a bit._

___________

**  
Macgyver was waiting in the war room for everyone to gather to get the opp details. Riley was the last to enter. Seeing her made his heartache. Flashes of holding her hand and the overwhelming peace that came with, he craved it.**

**Matty gave the details of the mission and they were off to Iceland. The plane ride was slightly unbearable. Desi, invading his space trying to get inside his head. Riley, so far away, thinking he fixed things with Desi while ignoring her. The mission itself weighed on him. Again people's lives were in danger and it was up to him. It was always up to him.**

**Mac thought a 3 miles trek would be a good way to clear his mind before having to face whatever was coming and yet there was no peace.**

**Desis attempts to try to get in his head started to weigh on him and his patience was wearing thin. When he snapped it came out meaner than he planned but her incessant behavior was driving him crazy.**

**Regret filled his body as they were surrounded by guns. Stepping in front of everybody trying to protect them was his first thought. And his second. Riley.**

**“I will get us out of this, I promise” were the only words he could muster to bring Riley comfort.**

**The 6 hours of captivity took a toll not only on him but the whole team. He wanted to talk about what happened there but figured it would only cause more of a rift between them.**

**Matty didn’t make things any better calling the team out.**

**“What is wrong with all of you? How did we go from a simple run of the mill opp to you all being captured for 6 hours?”**

**Silence.**

**“I know things got a little crazy when Mac and Riley went undercover at codex but without trust, we can’t work together. We can’t protect those who are unable to protect themselves.”**

**Silence.**

**“So no one has anything to say? Blondie? Bozer? Desi? Riley?”**

**Mac was just about to say something when Riley spoke up. Every word that left her mouth made his chest get a little bit tighter. He did not want her to leave.**

**“Riles, what are you saying?” Mac said with a shaky voice.**

**“I...I gotta go.” As she stormed out the room Mac followed calling out her name.**

_______________

Riley was angrier with him than he thought. 

He followed her through the emptied halls with the sound of his voice echoing her name. She never stopped. Until she reached her car. 

“Look, Riles, if you’re leaving then I’m leaving too.”

“No, you’re not Mac, go be with your girlfriend or whatever.”

“I’m going with you and I don’t see how you could stop me,” he smirked. 

They stared at each other for what felt like an eternity.  
“Fine.” She caved. 

Silence fell on them as they sat in the car. Not moving, just sitting in the parking garage.

“So are we going somewhere?” Mac said quietly trying to break the tension.

Riley just stayed quiet. 

“Ok. Well since you’ve said what you needed to I guess it’s my turn. You know, I know I’ve hurt you by keeping you at arm's length. It’s just I don’t ever want to see you hurt. I know when we were in codex we shared moments and to be completely honest I wouldn’t want them to be with anybody else. The hellfire missile put a lot of things into perspective for me. I thought I was on my own. Remember when I told you I always have this vision of dying alone? It finally clicked that I wasn’t. When I was in the back of that truck I told Gwen that sometimes you just need that one person that you can count on. Who you trust. And together, any problem can be solved. And I meant it. And while I was speaking the only person who came to mind was you.”

He turned to look at her. She was still facing forward but he could see the tears slowly gliding down her cheek. Was it out of anger or understanding? He didn't know but he continued anyway.   
”I've been in so many life or death situations and every time you were there. How could I die alone when you refuse to leave my side.”

”Mac I'm so sorry I went off like that it wasn’t the appropriate time I...” cutting her off. 

“It’s okay you needed to say it and I haven’t given you the opportunity to tell me everything” he smiled at her.

“I just..”   
“You don’t ever have to apologize for speaking your truth to me. I don’t care if there’s another hellfire missile or a tiny fire. If you feel it, say it.”

“Did you really tell Gwen that?”

“I did, I needed to know there was still some humanity left in her that I could tap into. I needed her to know if she walked away right now the both of us could come up with a solution where millions didn’t have to die.”

“You have such a big heart. You constantly let people in, knowing they have the power to hurt you and I admire that about you so much.” she smiled.

“You’re the same way. Like with Elwood. You have a forgiving heart. Which is why I’m glad you chose... me..” He smiled back.

“Can I ask you a question?”

“Yeah, anything.”

“What about Desi? I don’t want to be another thing for y’all to fight about.”

“Honestly, Desi and I were over the moment we started. We found a way to make something that doesn’t work, work and I’m tired of forcing it.”

“So are you going to just...end it?” 

“Uh, to be completely transparent. I was going to do it a couple of days ago when she came to see me, but given how our last break up and first mission back went I decided not too. And yet it still went to shit.” 

“Maybe if… you...would’ve done it, we wouldn’t have gotten detained” she joked. 

“Maybe” he laughed. “Now can I ask you a question?”

“Shoot.”

“Are you still trying to leave the Phoenix?”

“I” she let out a heavy sigh. “I don’t think so, I think all my pent up aggression and feelings clouded my train of thought” she paused. “We ALL have suffered through the wrath of Desi.” She threw up air quotes. ”Maybe we can do an intervention or something, heard those work really well” she laughed. 

Mac indulged in her sarcasm and laughed a little too hard; imagining how exactly that would not work. This was the release Mac needed. Riley has always had this effect on him. Making him feel at ease and reassured. He wanted to relish in this moment a little while longer. A pocket of peace and warmth is what he needed to be centered again. At least for a little while. 

“So, riles you ready to go back in?”

“Can we just stay here…” she pouted   
“Please” she fluttered her eyes. 

Mac laughed and shook his head yes. “A couple more mins I guess but we got business to handle in there don’t we?”

“Yep, we sure do…”

They sat in the car laughing and talking about the past, the present, and the future. The best they both felt in a while. After being held hostage for 6 hours a laugh nearly felt impossible then. 

With reality right outside her driver's door, Riley finally decided she was ready to head back in. Mac and Riley both took a few deep breaths and exited the car. Walking back towards the Phoenix Mac reached for her hand. With slight hesitation she took his hand. They walked hands linked until the front door where they both decided it would be best to not enter the building doing so.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter 3 maybe? this is sorta cliff hangery


	3. its funny how the warning signs can feel like they're butterflies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is the end of Desi and Mac

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Any Halsey stans? lol
> 
> sorry this took so long. I got stuck for a bit. hope this was worth the wait.

**Matty, Bozer, and Desi stood in the war room in silence. Riley’s blow-up was unexpected. They all had gone through being held captive. They all fought. But Riley expressing her disdain for how Desi conducted herself sent Desi spiraling into self-reflection. Desi watched mutely as Mac chased Riley out of the war room.**

**Bozer, who knew Riley’s hidden feelings toward Mac, was secretly excited about Riley finally getting things off her chest and Mac chasing after her.**

**Matty stood there in awe of what she just witnessed. She couldn’t bring herself to instruct anybody to do anything; she remained silent. She watched as Mac followed Riley. “What is going on today? You, idiots, get captured on a simple opp, and now I may be losing one of the best if not the best hacker in the world? Hopefully, Mac can convince her otherwise.”**

**It had been a while. Everyone was wondering what was happening with Riley when Desi decided to check the cameras to find them.**

**“Here they are in the interrogation room. Looks like a heated convo we should give them some privacy.” She could’ve activated the coms in the room but Riley’s words rang in her head. Trust and boundaries are what led to them being captured so she just sat there watching them argue back and forth until Riley stormed out again. She followed them on the cameras to the garage.  
“Hey Matty I think they’re leaving, they’re in the parking lot.”  
“Let me know if they leave. So I know if I need to make a pop up at Riley’s place to get her back.”  
“Will do” **

**An hour had passed and yet they still hadn’t left. Desi would check the monitors every few mins and she took this as a good sign. Her waiting has left her with time to think. She wanted to apologize to Riley and mac. She wanted to let them know that her lashing wasn’t the right way for her to express her pain and anger. Rehearsing her speech in her head she finally looked at the monitor. Desi saw them holding hands.**

“Hi guys, we're back sorry..” Riley said walking into the war room. 

“No need to be sorry Riley. I'm just glad you decided to stay.” Matty replied.  
Riley gave a half-hearted smile as she took in Bozers’ crooked smile and a raised eyebrow. Letting her know he knew. Then Desi who was avoiding eye contact with her. 

“Hey,” Mac said as he walked in. Before he could get another work out Desi said “hey, Riley can I talk to you?”  
Instinctively, Riley turned to look at Mac who gave her a nod of approval. 

“Uh sure.” She replied.

They both exited the war room and ended up in an interrogation room.  
“You wanted to talk. so um.. talk,” Riley said ever so bluntly. Stunned by the tone of Riley’s voice she gathered herself in order to not sound so angry. 

“Yeah. I uh. I just wanted to apologize for my behavior. Not only on the mission but When Russ and I had caught up to you and Mac and I held a gun in your face as well. I was wrong. I should’ve taken you at your word. I should’ve believed Mac wouldn’t just betray us all and most of all that you wouldn’t because you’re one of the most loyal people I know.” 

“Mhm.,” Riley said to reassure Desi she was listening.

“I know I was saying things I shouldn’t have. Honestly, it was all out of anger, an anger I’ve yet to let go of.”

“Why didn’t you just come and talk to me? You completely dismissed me and verbally harassed me and Mac.” 

Hearing Macs’ name roll off of Riley’s tongue brought on a new wave of anger and regret.  
“You know I’m not good at talking about my emotions. I didn’t know how to go about it. But to be completely transparent I’m not even angry at you. I’m angry at myself for not being the one there helping dismantle codex; I was actually a hindrance. You were what I couldn’t be…”

“Sometimes sorry goes a long way.” Riley interrupted.

“Yeah I know I should’ve done that sooner. As for today I know it was my fault we got caught. I’m sorry. I was just mad at Mac and I couldn’t hold it in anymore..”

“Maybe you should have that convo with him about that.” With her normal tone returning she continued. “If we’re going to work together we all need to be on the same page or else this still won’t work.”

“I’ve realized that.. he's next on my apology tour.” She gave her an apologetic smile. 

“Well thank you for apologizing… I just need a couple of days to decompress… but I do forgive you..” 

“Thanks…” Desi took a deep breath contemplating asking about what she witnessed on the security feed but decided not to talk about them holding hands, it would cause more problems between them and she didn’t want that. This problem between her and Mac, not her and Riley.  
“Should we hug it out??” She reached out her arms.  
“Ah sure.” Riley leaned forward into her hug. 

————

Both of them walked into the war room. Mac was pacing around the room and suddenly stopped when he saw them. His first glance was to Riley. Who just smiled at him which sent a wave of stillness through his body. That quickly ended when he looked at Desi. And yes she did catch the look between them and the way his body relaxed when he saw Riley, then tensed back up when he looked in her direction. 

“Alright guys, I think today has been rough on us all. Go home,” Matty said, breaking the silence. 

Without any hesitation, they all hightailed it out of the war room. Mac went to hug Bozer. “I’m sorry today was kind of wild but thanks for looking out for Riley,” Bozers body shifted a little. “Yes I notice, thank you so much… I know you know Boze thanks for not saying anything. You’re a good man.”  
“What are best friends for...good luck with what’s about to come” 

Mac sighed. “Thanks” 

He then went to hug Riley. “I’ll see you at home? Yeah?” 

“Of course!” She said quickly, trying not to get too comfortable being in his arms. It’s the only place she actually wanted to be. 

“I’m going to drop Desi off, and have that talk…”

“Mac are you ready” rang Desi breaking up their not so unusual long hug. 

“I’ll catch y’all later,” Riley said as they parted and shared a lingering look.

————-

Mac pulled up to Desi’s apartment. They sat there in silence for a couple of minutes. Mac was twiddling his fingers on the steering wheel while Desi stared out the window. She knew this would be the last time they were going to sit together as a couple. What came next would be difficult but it was necessary. 

“I think you should come in, we need to work a few things out.” She said breaking the tension.  
“We sure do,” Mac said in agreement. 

They exited the car and headed toward Desis’ front door. Once inside Desi offered Mac a drink. They both could use a bit of liquid courage before they laid everything out on the table.

Mac made his way to the couch while Desi got the drinks. 

Drinks in hand, only the sound of ice hitting glass disrupted the silence. 

“Mhmm” Mac cleared his throat.

”Mac, let me go first. I just really need to get this off my chest.”

“Uh. Well alright. Go ahead.”

“I just want to start off saying that I’m sorry. I’m sorry for the way I acted on the opp. It wasn't the right time or place to talk to you about things. I was just so in my head. I felt like if I didn’t take this opportunity to express to you what I was feeling I would never get the chance.” 

“So you thought screaming in the middle of a jungle with rebels everywhere was a perfect time?”

“Yeah, you didn’t give me much of an option. You said you loved me then literally suffocated me. Then took off with codex and when you came back... you didn’t speak to me for weeks.”

“I was dealing with a lot and this, this right here is what I didn’t want.” 

“You don’t want to talk to me? Your girlfriend? The one you’re supposed to run to!”

“It’s never easy with you, was I supposed to trust that you would let me do whatever I saw necessary or would you just try to convince me another thing I find important isn’t?”

“I can’t help it if 90 percent of things you find interesting aren’t!” She paused to collect herself before she continued. “But that’s beside the point. You don’t talk to me about anything deeper than the surface.” 

“That's probably ‘cause I’m drunk on some _screwed up_ cocktail of my mom, my aunt, and codex. RIGHT,” Mac stood up and started pacing. “So why should I? You think you can just use my pain and throw it in my face.. that is not okay. Desi.”

“I didn’t mean to do..”

Mac cut her off “yes you did! you do it so often you don’t even realize you’re doing it. So I know you did, if you didn’t you wouldn’t have said it.”

“I’m sorry Mac I really am.” She stood up to face him. 

“It’s just with everyone, Bozer, Matty, RILEY..” Riley’s name made Mac have a physical reaction that Desi took notice of. “They all have a piece of you that I don’t. They don’t have to beg and plead for you to open up to them and I just don’t get why **I** have too.”

“To be completely honest it’s ’cause we never built that foundation. I’ve known them for years and you see how they didn’t think I was compromised. You see how they argued on my behalf. Bozer warned me about that missile. What did you do?!?! Riley actually came to help me. What did you do?!?! Yes, I may have said things and done things I shouldn’t have but if you actually cared enough about me NOTHING WOULD HAVE MADE YOU QUESTION ME.”

“Said things like what? You loving me?” 

Mac took a second before a hard “Yes.” Left his lips. 

“Of course you don't love me…” she huffed. “I saw you with her, you know. You and Riley holding hands. I could see it beaming off you. You have never been that tender with me.”

“Listen this isn’t about Riley. She hasn’t done anything. When it comes to us. We’ve always been broken. And I know you know it.” He took her hand to make sure she was focused on him and the words he was saying. “You even said we work better as partners and friends”

“I did, and what did you do… start our relationship up again for what? To tell me you don’t love me, to tell me you don’t trust me!” 

“I do love you it’s just…”

“Not how you love Riley.” She finished his sentence. 

“No, I’m just not in love with you. Not in the way that’s good for the both of us.”

“Well if you think we’re so toxic why did you kiss me?”

“I thought you were going to die. There was so much adrenaline pumping through my body I didn’t know where all that energy would end up.”

“And after that?”

“What?”

“Why did you keep it going?”

“I don’t know, I thought maybe we could work it out. Maybe we’d work this time. But it obviously isn’t.” His voice got low and sultry as the remorse filled his body. This was his fault. He finally recognized it. He continued. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have kissed you and I shouldn’t have kept stringing you along.”

“Yeah but I could’ve not kissed you back, I could’ve told you we should stay just friends. It’s not all on you Mac, I think both of us were being kind of selfish.”

“Maybe we can actually build a friendship this time around?” 

“I think so, I just need time… I’m assuming you and Riley will be a thing?“ she said laced with jealousy.

“I don’t know, but I just want to make sure we’re okay?”

“We will be..” she sighed.

Mac took this as a sign to leave. "I think I should go."

"Yeah..." Desi said heavily and drawnout.

Mac grabbed his keys and headed home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I thought this would be the last chapter but if y'all want Mac and Riley talking after this let me know in the comments.


	4. Safe Haven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mac opens up to Riley

Mac sat in his driveway for what felt like hours. Going over the events that had transpired in the last 48 hours. The last couple of months had really taken a toll on him. But in this moment of peace in his car, he felt the immense weight of all things good and all things bad. The tears just kept strolling down his face. He couldn't breathe and he began to hyperventilate.

Riley had heard Mac's car pull up 10 minutes ago and yet he still wasn't in the house. Working at the phoenix had only led Riley to follow her instincts more often. In this instance, they were telling her to go check on Mac. 

She headed outside and that's when she saw him struggling to breathe.   
“Mac… Mac, you're ok, I'm here. I'm here.” she unbuckled his seat belt and held him tightly to help slow down his breathing. “Breathe with me in….and out... in… and out” Once he was calm, she asked him if he was ready to go inside and he agreed. Still holding his body weight they walked inside. 

Riley led him to the couch and he just laid there. She headed to the kitchen to get him some water. She set the cup down on the coffee table and sat next to his legs.

“Hey do you want to talk about it?” she said softly  
“Not really, do you think we can just lay here for a bit?”  
“Yeah, sure whatever you need Mac,” unsure if she should snuggle up to him or lay in the opposite direction; she decided to be bold and lay her head on his chest to her surprise he pulled her in closer.

Somewhere in between the warmth, safety, and stillness, they felt within each other they fell asleep. Hours that felt like minutes Riley woke up. She looked at Mac who was still fast asleep then out the window it was still dark. She thought maybe it had been an hour or two of sleep when she grabbed her phone. Nearly 24 hours later. 

“Oh shit.” She screamed to herself.

“Mac…” she gently shook him. “Mac you gotta wake up” 

“Riles? What’s going on,” he said sluggishly.

“We’ve been asleep for like 17 hours… I think we should eat something, maybe shower…”

“17 hours huh! That’s a new record. Best sleep of my life... even on this couch.”

“Guess it was all catching up to us haha. We’ve been through some things.” she shrugged.

“What do you feel like eating Chinese? Italian? American,” he laughed. “Cause there’s no way I’m willing to cook and I’ll just end up killing us both..and I'm not willing to eat your poison either,” he laughed again. 

Riley watching him closely knew he was actively trying to change the subject of everything they went through. She indulged in his avoidance. 

“I think I would like a large meat lovers pizza from that restaurant in Santa Monica.”

“That actually sounds so good do you think they still deliver its 10.”

“Yeah, one of us better hurry up and call.”

“I’ll do that; you can go shower if you want” 

“Think I might,” Riley said as she started to make her way to her room. 

“Hi, is this Viztango cafe? Ah yes, I would like to place an order for delivery….an extra-large meat lovers pizza! Mhm with extra olives…” he looked to see if Riley was still in earshot “do you guys have anything sweet? cannolis! Sweet I’ll take half a dozen. 45 mins cool thank you.”

He hung up the phone and walked to Riley’s room to tell her the food would be here in 45 mins. He then headed out to his neighbors’ house and politely asked his neighbor if he could clip a couple of roses from her rose bush to which she said yes. 

He made it back in just as he heard Riley turn off her shower. He proceeded to hide the flowers where she wouldn’t find them. 

“Hey, I left the money on the counter just give it all to the delivery man if he shows up before I’ve finished taking my shower.” He yelled as he made his way into his bathroom. 

“Alright!” She replied. 

Mac showered quickly in order to get the pizza so Riley wouldn’t see the cannolis. Which he set aside with the flowers.   
——-  
Both refreshed and munching on pizza; watching “Genius” an old DCOM that brought both of the nostalgic memories. A boy genius who uses his skills to hack himself into the grade he’s supposed to be in while simultaneously teaching a college course. What’s not to love.

Mac felt he was finally in a place to open up to Riley about what had transpired yesterday. 

“Hey, um riles, I haven’t said it but thank you for what you did last night. I don’t know what would’ve happened if you weren’t here.”

“You don’t have to thank me. You know I’m always here for you when you need me.” 

“But I do, I don’t think I ever tell you how much I appreciate you. You’re a constant. The most reliable thing...person I know.”

“What are friends? For,” she said awkwardly.

“Friends?” Mac stood up and grabbed the cannolis and flowers and brought them to Riley. “I think we’re past that,” he smiled and handed her the flowers and then the cannolis. “Don’t you?”

All Riley could muster was a smile and a head nod. She sniffed the flowers. And then took a closer look.  
“Did you steal these from Mrs. jones” 

“No,” he laughed. “I asked first!” The biggest self-satisfied smile crept across his face.

“Haha how nice of you,” she threw her head back laughing. Mac joined in on her amusement. 

“Sooo… um, you ready to tell me about what happened last night?” 

“Yeah, I guess so.”

Riley gave him an encouraging smile and head nod.

“Well, Desi and I just talked loudly at each other about our relationship and how it was something we should’ve left in the past. We both knew it wasn’t a very healthy relationship to being with and the whole codex thing just made it more apparent. She did mention she saw us holding hands walking back to the building.”

“She did? Why didn’t she tell me when we talked earlier?”

“I’m guessing she took what you said to heart because she tried to apologize for all the word daggers she was throwing at the both of us.”

“I’m surprised..”

“Yeah, we both realized we’ve said and done things that shouldn’t happen to the person you claim as yours.”

“Sounds like you guys came to the conclusion together to end it.”

“We did…”

“So what brought on the panic attack? I don’t want to make you have another one; so if you don’t want to talk about it it’s fine”

“No, no I can.”   
He took a long pause searching for the right words to describe what had consumed him last night.   
“It’s just...finally releasing all the pent up anger and tension with Desi was like pulling a loose strand on a sweater and it unravels. It all came crashing down, my mom not being who I thought she was, my dad sacrificing himself to save me and everyone else, and my aunt, my last living family member doing the exact same thing my dad did. It all was hitting me at the same time I couldn’t handle it anymore.”

“You know heavy things are much easier to carry when there’s two people. You could’ve talked to me.” She reached for his hand.

Fingers laced into one another he replied. “I know...it’s just I physically couldn’t. There was so much at stake that if I did break down and process it all I’m pretty sure it would’ve crippled me.”

“I understand that but maybe if you would’ve told me what was going on with you we could’ve came up with a plan together and worked through your grief. I know you might think doing things alone is much easier but it isn’t.”

“I’m realizing that now Riles. If only you knew the amount of gratefulness I felt when you showed up at the black site.”

“Any time, place, or day I’ll be there”

“And that’s why I love you…” the worlds flew out of his mouth faster than he could even stop them from leaving his lips leaving him in a state of shock. 

“You...love..me” Riley mumbled back in a self congratulatory way.

“I...I….do I mean..” 

Riley leaned in and kissed him very passionately and slowly before she pulled away slightly and whispered “I love you too.”   
The words danced on Mac's lips then rang in his head as he leaned forward to kiss her again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thought I was done but I don't think I am hopefully I can write another chapter quickly.  
> let me know...the things all the things idk lol


End file.
